


Love Conquers All

by EverAllure



Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Finale, Alternate Scenes, Angst, F/M, Finale spoilers, Happy Ending, Missing Scenes, POV Kala Dandekar, Romance, basically the finale retold without kala/rajan/wolfgang, instead we amicably say bye rajan, parallel to finale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-05-25 09:53:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14974691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverAllure/pseuds/EverAllure
Summary: I was sitting around depressed after the finale, unsatisfied with Kala's ending, and I decided to write my own alternate-finale with the ending I wanted to see...What happens to Wolfgang? BPO has taken him, and in retaliation the cluster have taken Whispers. As they prepare for the exchange of hostages, Kala is met with her own challenges in the form of Rajan returning suddenly to their Paris house. The same house the cluster was now using as their home-base, together in person for the first time."I know I don't want to hurt Rajan. But I also know, if anything were to happen to you, my life would no longer be worth living."This story will parallel the season finale Amor Vincit Omnia, but won't have all the scenes. Instead, I'm writing a narrative that focusses on Kala's development, using the events of the finale as a backdrop. The story begin's at Rajans arrival at the Paris house.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story will parallel the season finale Amor Vincit Omnia, but won't have all the scenes. Instead, I'm writing a narrative that focusses on Kala's development, using the events of the finale as a backdrop. The story begins at Rajan's arrival at the Paris house.
> 
> Also note: the writing is under constant editing, so while plot points and scenes won't change, some phrasing might.

“And in Positano?” Rajan asks.

I pause. This. This is the moment. For the past year I had been stalling, and stalling, wondering when. When would I summon the courage to tell Rajan the truth? How could I tell him that there were other people in my mind? Seeing what I see, thinking what I think. How was I to tell him of Wolfgang? Wonderful Wolfgang, the man I fell in love with when I couldn’t love Rajan.

“Yes.” I hesitate, but Rajan continues before I can utter another word.

“So when this Wolfgang fellow is tortured, you experience his pain? That sounds terrible.” Rajan says, astounded.

“Look, I know this is all a shock to you and that it might be best for you to take some time away and just-“

“But you are in danger now, Kala.” Rajan interrupts.

“So... you believe me?” I ask, surprised.

“Would you concoct a lie of this extraordinary magnitude?” Rajan says, smiling slightly. “No. Are you and all these people out there medically insane? I don’t think so.” Rajan shrugs, still smiling, and reaches out to take my hand. His hand is warm in mine, and I look at it, our fingers entwined, and feel that enormous sense of guilt that had been recurring these past weeks.

“So what other choice do I have?” Rajan continues, “I came to Paris for the same reason I married you. I love you, Kala.”

And there it is. I could feel the ache growing, throbbing, filling me with this- this- what was this? What was this feeling? Was this really what I would feel for Rajan for the rest of their lives? I’d made a vow had I not, to Rajan? And what of my promise to Wolfgang? Paris was meant to be for us. Our place. And now here was Rajan sitting in front of me, throwing me in the lurch, filling me with this sense of dread for the future that I could barely recognise. And there, outside, are my cluster, my family. All together, all waiting to rescue the same Wolfgang who was meant to share this city with me.

Still, Rajan continues, even while I begin to fester in my own feelings. “And that feeling hasn't gone away or been changed by learning that the woman I love is so much more than the woman I married.”

I gasp quietly, and reach out to cup Rajan’s chin. “My God, Rajan.” I sigh, “I married a good man. But-“

Rajan nuzzles my hand. “Yes, my love?”

It grows and it grows and it conquers, this guilt. What would Sun do? What would Will do? What would anyone else do in my situation?

And, really, what was the point in asking these questions? Where did they lead me before that they would now lead to a different, newer, better conclusion? I know it was fear that clouded my judgement. Fear of my family and my culture, fear of my duty, and fear of Rajan’s broken heart.

But, was it better to break his heart now or suffer silently, quietly, while Rajan remained oblivious of the man who dominated my thoughts and my heart. I felt myself filling up with this guilt, this fear, this dread, this uncertainty, like a rain tank on the night of a thunderstorm, when the rain comes pelting down in translucent pebbles that smack themselves against the surface of the water until the tank is filling up and up and from the brim it pours down. Leaking over the sides in a screaming agony as the metal screws holding the tank together begin to shake in a fury.

“Rajan, I don’t love you.” Suddenly, the feelings are real. The tank has burst. The words are out in the open, and I can’t take them back. What have I done?

Abruptly, Rajan pulls back, and my hand falls to the mattress of the bed we are sitting on.

“What?” Rajan asks, bewildered.

There’s wetness on my cheeks, and still I carry on.

“I’m sorry Rajan. I’m so so sorry. I know my apologies will never be enough. But you have to know, I tried. I tried to love you Rajan.” The words come spilling out, but I am so quiet that I think Rajan must not be able to hear me. With my head lowered, I wait. And wait. Still, Rajan says nothing, so I look up.

“Rajan?” I say, hesitantly. “I am sorry.”

I can see a muscle in Rajan’s jaw twitch in what has to be hatred, hatred for me.

“Rajan, do you remember when you told me of your friend’s corruption investigation? Do you remember I had something to tell you then? I was going to tell you that- I think-“ my voice breaks, betraying me. I should be a portrait of strength, so that Rajan can rely on me, cause I can see now that Rajan is falling to pieces. But I fall with him.

“That I think we should be separate, because to me, to me this lack of love makes our marriage false. I don’t want to hurt you Rajan, but I don’t think I can be with you when you feel so strongly of me, and I do not feel the same for you.”

Outside, I can hear birds chirping, and sun filters through the white translucent curtains of the window, spilling onto the bed we sit on. It is a picture of peacefulness, of happiness in solitude, quite different from the scene actually playing out.

Rajan shakes his head, "what are you doing, Kala?” He asks sadly.

But I can’t let him continue until I explain.

“Rajan, I always loved you, I always did. But always as a friend. You took such good care of me, and you still do.” I nod at him, trying to encourage myself to continue. “When you proposed… I was so shocked, so surprised. I thought, my friend, my colleague, wanting to be with me? I remember when I told my family they were so happy, and you were so happy. Everyone was happy. What was I to do? Was I not going to say yes, to be with you? To make everyone happy?

“But slowly, I realised, that I was making a mistake. I could not lead you like this, when the love in your heart for me does not mirror my own love for you. This would be a betrayal, and it is still a betrayal. But I can’t be with you, Rajan. I am sorry. Not in the way that you want me to. The love that you ask of me for you isn’t in me. I’m not capable of it. I am sorry.”  
Rajan is quiet, but there is no fear in me anymore. Sensing my distress, I can feel Sun’s solidarity, I can feel Will’s strength, and I can feel Nomi’s affection. And they make me understand that even if this is what I give up, this wonderful man who loves me so much, I still have so many people who love me and care for me. I have Capheus’ joviality and Lito’s hilarity, and I have Riley’s dedication. I have Wolfgang’s passion.

I am selfish, I know. I should never have married this man. I should never have gambled his feelings like I have. There was a sense of duty or care in rescuing his feelings from their falsehood, but it was selfishness that dominated my thoughts. It was my own pride and responsibility and even reputation that I cared for. While I tell Rajan the truth, I can feel the realness of the words I say, words I should have said long ago.

Still, Rajan is quiet.

“Rajan,” I whisper, “please say something.”

“What is there to say?” His voice cracks. “You do not love me, you have made your decision to leave me, and here I am in Paris like a fool hoping to rescue you from evil.” Rajan scoffs. “I am an idiot.”

I shake my head, and lean foreword, our faces just inches from each other. I cup his chin and feel the roughness of his beard against the palm of my hand.

“No, you are not. I am at fault here, Rajan. You are the most kind, the most giving, the most caring person. You’ll find someone who is worth you, Rajan. I am not it.”

“Do not patronise my Kala. I know what this is. I know you are breaking up with me. This “me not you” rubbish is unnecessary.” Rajan says, pulling back, shaking his head, but his devastation renews.

“What can I do? How can I change this?” Rajan says desperately.

I shake my head in despair, but my strength remains. “Nothing, Rajan.”

This much I know: Rajan will not storm out, he will not act desperately, he will not act violently, he will not be rash, nor will he be unreasonable. Rajan has always been sensible and caring. And I’m right. He stands, looking down on me as I continue to sit on the bed. He shakes his head slowly, reaching out to stroke a finger slowly down my face.

“This is not the future I envisioned for us, Kala.” He says. Then, he turns and walks out, and I’m left in the room alone.

Until Will walks in.

“You did the right thing, Kala.” He says from the doorway in a low voice.

“I didn’t,” I reply hoarsely, and look away. I hear Will walk out a few minutes later, and I collapse back on the bed. My future had been so murky before, so uncertain. Despite my marriage, despite my cluster, I had not known what to do, when or how.

Now, even while I lay in the aftermath of my indecision, I see my future with a brighter clarity. A higher precision. I did not make the right decisions before, but I think now, at least, I am on some semblance of a path to where I need to be. Because if this means that I am free from my previous anxieties, and I can be with the man I love, then is this not worth it? It’s a small price to pay for real happiness, and that happiness I know I can only find one place.

Soon, we exchange for Wolfgang.


	2. Chapter 2

Logically, I should not only despair for my own relationship with Rajan, but also now for my cluster. We are here in Paris, and we are in the house Rajan has bought for me. For he and I. This thought doesn’t occur to me until later. I’m in the kitchen helping Hernando prepare dinner for us. Across from me in the dining hall, I see Rajan sitting quietly, while Will speaks to him. I don’t know what they are saying, but I hope Will provides something to Rajan I cannot. From the other side of the room, through the heavy ebony doors of a formal living room, emerges Capheus. The door shuts with a click behind him, and he strides over to where Will and Rajan are sitting as I watch, a gleeful skip in his step. His joy makes me grin, as I turn away and realise Hernando has stopped cutting vegetables and instead is eyebrow raised, looking expectantly at me.

“What?” I say, trying to seem innocent.

“Nothing, nothing” He says returning to the vegetables. He begins chopping carrots expertly, while I renew peeling potatoes.

“Except that you seem very intent on watching Will and Rajan. If you wanted to listen, you could, you know?” Hernando hesitates then frowns, “you can, can’t you?”

I nod. “Yes, I could listen to Will’s conversation.” I think Hernando is still trying to wrap is head around the exact logistics of our cluster connection.

“So…?” Hernando asks, leading.

I roll my eyes, “so what, Hernando?” I have not known him long, but I do know Lito and Hernando are the perfect couple. They are both gossips. Daniela too. 

“So will you listen?”

“No, I will not.”

“Okay,” Hernando shrugs. He looks at me, continuing his chopping in the meanwhile. Then he says softly, “it takes a brave woman to break a mans heart not out of anger or vengeance, but out of love. You have done a terrible but kind thing, Kala.”

He is too perceptive for his own good.

Before I can reply, Sun walks into the kitchen. She is blushing slightly, almost whimsically, a look I’ve never ever seen on Sun’s face.

“Are you okay, Sun?” Hernando asks from behind me. He must notice it too.

“Of course.” Sun replies coolly, walking to the pantry and emerging from it with a croissant in her hand.

“I’m surprised Lito hasn’t eaten all of the croissants yet,” I say, “didn’t he say he will eat all the carbs if there are ever any in the house?”

Hernando rolls his eyes, “Lito says a lot of things.”

Sun nods in agreement. “He does.” Then, she adds more quietly, “drama queen.”

Hernando snorts.

“I can hear you!” Lito yells from the living room so loudly I jump in surprise. My potato peeler slips, inches away from slicing my thumb off and leaving a pool of blood in its wake.

“Lito!” I cry angrily, gesturing to my potato.

“You are lucky I have self control!” Lito says in reply, before launching into lunges and yelling “pap! Pap!” every few seconds. “You are very very lucky, because I am seconds away from throwing myself into the pantry and eating every French bread I see.”

“Hush, Lito,” Hernando chastises.

In reply, Sun takes a big bite of the croissant, before throwing the rest in Lito’s face while he lunges, then walks out of the kitchen with a small smile on her face.

I laugh as Lito follows Sun, outraged, and in revenge yelling “pap! Pap!” In her ears every now and again.

Rajan catches my eye and I can see amusement glinting in them. I smile tentatively, but he abruptly turns away and instead focuses his attention Capheus as he explains something about the new white van, most probably.

“It will take him a while.” Hernando says, “But he will understand. Only a certain kind of person can live in anger for long, and he is not that kind.”

I nod, turning back to the potato. He is not that kind.

***

The next day, I wake with a renewed worry for Wolfgang, in his captivity. Also, for my family who send me what I think are increasingly cryptic emails. I can tell Will thinks I am becoming paranoid, but I can’t help it. I am so far away from them, for the first time in my life, and while a rabid medical organisation is hunting me. What am I meant to do? I also worry for Rajan and what will happen if he leaves. Will he kick us out of the house? I know this is a selfish thought, because I deserve to be left in the cold as Rajan probably wishes to leave me, but this threat to us has left us all with only a limited ability to think outside of ourselves. 

A cloud of worry overhangs us every day. A worry that grows and grows, the cloud heavy and a menacing grey, and we barely acknowledge it. Will is instead fighting hard, planning, organising. It’s what keeps him sane. Lito channels his anxiety into preparation for his role, his lunges and vocal preparations echoing off the walls every morning. I know Sun quietly continues her routines on the roof, and Riley is composing music in her room every night on her laptop while Will sleeps sparingly. Right now it seems this cloud will forever grow and grow, feeding on our anxiety. It seems we’ll never see the sky again.

But, in the afternoon, I catch a glimpse of it.

“I will not abandon you.” Rajan says to me. He approached me suddenly while I was preparing Whispers’ shot for the evening. “You can continue to use the house. It might be the case that you do not love me-“ I wince - “and that we are no longer together, but I still want you to be safe. I want your family - your cluster - to be safe. You can use this house. And I will help you.”

I have no words. Instead, I hug him. I can feel his reluctance as I wrap my arms around him. In response, he pats my back, before pulling away. Then he nods at me in understanding, and I smile tearily before turning away. His footsteps recede.

***

The preparations continue and Will has been planning non-stop. Just a few days ago Will and Riley scouted out a club to make the exchange of Whispers and Wolfgang. Now we continue our efforts with a new sense of purpose. We’ve all been given roles in this upcoming exchange and there is not a single minute wasted on anything other than extensive planning. Nomi and Amanita with their friend Bug continue surveillance, preparing access to police cameras overseeing the club and various routes of exit. They also have a ridiculous looking van for these purposes. Amanita’s dedication to Nomi and our cluster-struggles is awe-inspiring. The same day Will and Riley had gone to scout the club, Amanita left with Daniela to give Whispers his liquid blocker shot. I could tell Nomi was terrified at the thought that something terrible would happen with Amanita facing Whispers. He still haunts our nightmares despite being locked in our basement. Instead, though, Amanita and Daniela returned looking triumphant, powerful. This kind of love, the love that Amanita has for her Nomi, and that Daniela has for Lito and Hernando, is so rare. It is such a gift that we are blessed with, to have these people risk their lives for us.

It makes me feel rotten.

Rotten that I couldn’t return these feelings for Rajan. I pity Rajan, and this infuriates me more because it is Rajan that should pity me, that I am missing out on this dedication. I should be pitied that now I will have to explain to my parents, to their friends, to work, to everyone, why I’ve left Rajan.

But these are not thoughts for now.

For now, we prepare, because we are getting our eighth back. We are getting my soul-mate back.

 

The planning goes like this: we sit in the middle of a room off the living room. It’s night, and I can hear a slight wind blow against the rafters. In the centre lies a table, and on it a mock map of Paris, with our club in the centre. From what Lito has dubbed the psycho-killer-board – what with Will’s various signs and pictures, newspaper clippings and red wire - Will brings a small wooden box. In it are replicas of the cars we are to use to escape. He places them on the map and we gather around. The seven sensates together, and our family. Hernando, Amanita, Daniela, and Bug. Rajan. 

“Communication is crucial,” Will begins, his voice sombre.

Lito leans over to Hernando, “In the Devil Died at Dawn, there was a hostage exchange at a club.” Lito whispers. Will continues to set up the map, superimposing it on a real map of Paris. Beside me, Rajan fidgets. I can tell he is anxious. He has never been in this kind of situation before, and I want to comfort him. But, distance. Distance is important. Sending mixed signals now would only be cruel. Instead, I smile at him tightly, and try to concentrate on Will in front of me. But instead what catches my attention is Hernando’s reply to Lito: “It was a bullfighting stadium.”

“Was it?” Lito asks.

“Oh yeah, and the bull gored you-“ Bug adds enthusiastically, mimicking Lito and Hernando’s whispering.

“Guys.” Will interrupts pointedly.

“Sorry.” Lito apologises.

“This is it. This is what we’ve been preparing for. Tomorrow, we exchange Wolfgang for Whispers.” Will begins. “In order to execute the exchange, one of us is going to have to make contact with Lila, who will be bringing Wolfgang. Since I’m already connected to Whispers, it just makes sense that it would be me.” Everyone leans in, concentrating.

Will continues, “BPO will lock the area down straight after the exchange. So, we use a diversion.”

Almost automatically, our heads turn to Lito. He bows his head, spreading out his arms, “I am your humble servant.” He says. 

I hear Sun whisper, “drama queen” once again under her breath and I grin. Lito shoots her a look.

“If you’re going to do this, you’re going to do it right.” Hernando states firmly. “We need a get up, you need to look French.”

“I say moustache, baguettes, and trench coat,” Daniela grins, and waggles her eyebrows. Will tries to not to smile, and succeeds. Capheus on the other hand, fails, and lets out a bark of a laugh.

From the other side of the room, Amanita leans forward, “we’ve been monitoring the local police, and BPO isn’t involving them beyond the standard terror alerts.” 

“We think we can use that to our advantage,” Nomi adds.

“Who looks more like a terrorist organisation than BPO?” Amanita states sarcastically.

Will points at Lito, “and that is what you use. We need the local police distracted. A terror alert.” Lito nods.

Bug lifts up the toy-car version of his own ridiculous van. “In view of our apartment evacuation,-“ yes, that is right, we can no longer stay at Rajan’s home. If we want to keep ourselves safe, to keep Wolfgang safe, we need to move house. Fortunately for us, Rajan has a friend with a mansion on the outskirts of Paris. I try not to feel guilty that he is volunteering his efforts in this way. “-we’ve relocated logistic support to a mobile response vehicle. We’ll be near the club, but not too close to be suspicious or anything.” 

Bug sighs whimsically, and leans towards Riley. “I can’t believe I’m in one of those planning scenes!” 

“Bug.” Nomi interrupts.

“Sorry." Bug continues dramatically, “It's my pleasure to report that the Bugmobile is nearly operational.”

“We told you we needed it now” Amanita says from behind her laptop.

“Did I say ‘nearly’? I meant totally, absolutely ready to roll. I mean…”

From the limited information I have heard from Amanita and Nomi, ‘totally, absolutely ready to roll’ really means ‘probably not done yet’. I can already envision wires blowing up after short-circuiting. Amanita’s exasperation radiates from where she sits next to Daniela. 

“So once we’ve set the time and place, we need as many eyes on San Jours as possible.” Will points to the club at its place on the map.

I know that this is where I come in. I’m to be with Rajan at the club, and we’re to look like a couple dancing together, nothing suspicious. I glance at Rajan, and he is following Will’s every word.

“Kala, Rajan, you’ll be there together. Hernando, Lito, and Daniela, you too. Stick together. Watch everything. The metal detectors will help, but we should assume they won’t play by the rules. To help us, we’ll have earpieces.” 

“Me and Amanita will be on the other end. We’ll be helping you every step of the way. We need to make sure everyone is together and in the right place.” Nomi says, and Will nods in agreement.

Will picks the model white van up, and places it next to the club, “Capheus will drop us here, then Capheus, you’ll join the others. We need to be prepared for escape.” He points to Nomi and Amanita, and Capheus nods.

Riley says, “Georges will let us in through the back, she will be prepared for us.”

“I scouted the exit” Capheus adds, “the van’s almost ready. Sun will be with me. I will change the paint after the exchange.” He looks to Will for confirmation, and Will nods. “You’ll be the police.”

“I will join you afterwards in the club” Sun murmurs in the low cadence of hers.

“We have control of street security cameras,” Nomi adds, “we’re just waiting to hear about the ones in the club.”

“Georges sent the codes. You should be able to log on,” Riley tells Nomi.

“I’m checking them now,” Amanita replies, already typing away on her laptop.

“Remember, Lila will have Wolfgang. They’re who you should maintain eyes on.” Will says, and Nomi and Amanita nod in confirmation.

I’ve not even realised my shoulders are tense, my back is tight, and I’ve been tapping my foot. At the mention of Wolfgang, it’s almost as if I am forcefully drawn back into reality, and I shake myself out slightly. Wolfgang. I will be with him soon. My heart thunders in my chest at just the thought. I think back to the first time we met. The first time I ever saw him, interrupting my wedding to Rajan, in all of his naked – and as he would call it – glory. Was it glorious, our encounter? Is it glorious that we are connected so? That we are of a cluster? I think so. I remember the rain at the outdoor café, I remember the hot sun of the Delhi morning, and I remember the cold pool of my apartment with Rajan. The pool water in my hair and on Wolfgang’s lips as he kissed me, as he trailed kisses down my neck. I remember the feel of the smooth sheets of his bed as he loved me. I remember them sliding underneath me as Wolfgang pressed into me, his hands on my waist guiding me the way he wanted me. Soon, so soon, I will be with him.

“Once we have Wolfgang, we get out and we make our separate ways to the rendezvous.” From outside, a bird screeches eerily. Separation is dangerous, but necessary. There’s no way it would be feasible for all of us to leave together.

“We use the metro, our Capheus police car, and Bug’s van. Remember. Communication is crucial.” Will states.

Bug laughs lightly, “good thing half of you are telepathic.”

Will looks to me, and I know this is my time to speak. “In order to evacuate the club without causing any panic or stampede, I thought of smoke pots, which we use at festivals.” I’m oddly proud of myself for this. It came to me one night. How would India survive Diwali without these? They’re small, bronze, easily concealable and light to carry. Easy to place around the club when the time comes for our escape. I place the smoke pot in front of me, and white billowing smoke begins to rise, slowly filling the room.

I continue, “By adding a few spices, I was able to make the smell quite intense, which I think will cause people to-“ but the smoke is too rapid. It spreads through the room and already everyone is coughing and hacking, evacuating the room. It’s almost comedic, the way everyone escapes the room, abruptly leaving the psycho-killer-board, maps, and model cars behind. I grin, “so that proves that-“ but on an inhale, I receive a lung full of smoke. Wow. Wow it is really intense. The coughing begins. I have to leave too.


	3. Chapter 3

“I’ll see you at the rendezvous.”

I’m nearly there. I’m nearly where I never thought I’d be. With Wolfgang. In person. It occurs to me that even despite our planning, despite Paris, I never truly registered that I might one day actually be in his presence. I don’t think I ever recognized the ache that lay within me for this to occur, and now that I know I’ll see him, I can’t settle down. Rajan will be there too, which will be immensely awkward. But, Wolfgang. There where I can touch him. He told me where he’ll meet me and there I’ll be.

Bug pulls up the truck to the rendezvous point. The mansion is gorgeous, with luscious green hedges and grass, and dainty benches and tables that remind me of Positano. In the middle of a circular drive lays a garden ornament: a dry fountain filled with flowers and ferns. I had always wanted to live in a house like this, but I never thought it would be in circumstances like these. How could I have? The cobble stone driveway and sandstone staircase leading to the mansion give the place that old-European feel that can only really be acquired here. To see something like this in India would be odd, out of place. Here it has a contextual beauty. A history. 

Through the window, I can see him.

Suddenly, I’m anxious again. “Oh Ganesha, what do I do here?” At the stairs sits Rajan in his white kurtha gleaming in the sun, but to the right of me, standing expectantly, is Wolfgang in his typical grey shirt and black jeans. “Oh Ganesha.” I pray.

Bug nudges me, and grins knowingly. I saw the same expression on his face when Sun was watching the news clip of Mun’s recovery and Jhoong-Ki’s arrest proceedings. Bug is cheeky, and suggestive, but he is also a sweetheart. Slowly, and hesitantly, I open the door and get up from my seat, exiting the vehicle.

Wolfgang is bruised slightly, and I know there are some wounds he is still recovering from. I can feel them on me. His pain is mine. I approach him, walking slowly. The distance between us now feels too short; I need a longer path. More time to think. Because truly, I can’t believe this is happening.

Then, I see him fully. Suddenly, all else disappears, and there is only him. This is cliché, I know, but there is no way else to describe what is happening right now. Everything else fades away: our families in the background, and the echo feeling of the cluster and their thoughts and emotions that constantly linger just in the periphery of my awareness. Now, there is only him. He stands slightly slouched, but in his eyes there is this electricity and I know the feeling is reflected in my own. There is a charge between us that only grows stronger as I approach him.

He steps forward, and reaches a hand out to touch me. At the first touch, that charge jolts, and a sharp electrical feeling shoots through me in awareness that one of my cluster, but not only that, the one that I love is here in front of me. Physically in front of me. I can feel his calloused fingers slowly tracing up my arm as my own trace his shoulder where I unconsciously lifted them, hard and firm beneath my touch. I can feel his feet coming closer, between mine, as he erases the space between us. I can feel his arm wrapping around my waist as his face nears and he bends down to my height in pursuit of my lips. I tilt my head up to him and I can feel his lips as they meet mine, firm, gentle, but passionate. 

Presence.

This is what Riley described: the indescribable.

It is presence. Because right now, I can see him, and I can touch him, I can taste him, hear him, smell him. But, I can also feel him. I feel him inside me, within me. I feel his emotions, his thoughts. I can feel the way he feels me. How he savours me as his lips slip over mine, and mine over his. Around us it feels as if there’s a light. We are the sun, emitting rays. We glow and we shine. And suddenly, all this anguish, all this anxiety is worth it because he is here. My Wolfgang. My need to be close to him overwhelms me and I use my arms around his neck to leverage myself, pushing upwards. Wolfgang takes the hint and picks me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist and bury my face into his neck.  
This, this is presence. It irradiates around us, a crackling energy that emits a powerful sense of connectedness. There is an ebb and flow of chemistry just between the two of us, but I’m sure the rest of our cluster can feel some remnants of it too, it is that potent. 

Slowly, he puts me down, but I don’t let him go. My heart is bursting slowly and surely. I’ll never get enough of this. I keep my arms around his neck and pull my face back only slightly, and I can’t help but grin. He smiles back and those adorable crows feet at the edges of his eyes emerge. I kiss them, each side, and pull back again to look at him. His teeth are slightly crooked, but his smile is so perfect. His light stubble scratches against my cheek as he kisses me softly once more.

“Kala,” he sighs, and I tighten my hold on him. I can’t get enough of him. I want him with me always, I want him within me right now. Instead I settle for another kiss, leaning against him, pushing my body against his.

“Wolfgang. You’re here. You’re with me.”

“We’re in Paris,” he smiles.

“I would have preferred if we were alone,” I tell him, smiling cheekily back. “But I will take what I can get.”

He nods at me slowly, and he rubs his hands up and down my back. He is savouring the moment.

As I leave his embrace and turn to the stairs Will is climbing to the entrance of the house, I see Rajan. He pointedly looks away, his jaw tight, and stands to walk up the stairs. Wolfgang overtakes me, and approaches him. 

“Thank you.” He says, and holds out a hand, “not everyone would do what you did. Thank you.” He is talking about the escape, of course. But that barely registers because I am too busy gaping at this new idea: Wolfgang and Rajan together. In one place. Interacting. In my mind they were always so separate. Wolfgang was in my mind, and in Germany. Rajan in India, in my home. I never could envisage Wolfgang in India with me for this very reason. And yet, here we are. The worlds colliding have yet to explode from contact.

Rajan nods to Wolfgang, and accepts the brisk but firm handshake, before turning to follow Will. Wolfgang glances at me and I grimace back. He wraps his fingers around my own, tugging me to follow him up the stairs. The rest of the cluster make their way inside too. From my right, Hernando approaches, but all he says to me is “see?” before he too enters the house.

 

That night when we have dinner, I am tense. The dining hall is lit with candles and dimmed overhanging lights, and in the centre is a large dining table of wood to match the floors and walls. Floor-length windows adorn the wall opposite to where I sit next to Wolfgang, his hand on my back. 

Presence. 

I still feel it. 

I told Riley about it earlier, that feeling that I never thought I’d have. She smiled at me and nodded in understanding. “It’s amazing. There is really nothing like it, Kala,” she told me, and together we looked at Will where he was with Wolfgang and Capheus in the living room. Will looked less stressed, more relaxed. He had shaved, and was smiling slightly as Capheus was talking enthusiastically about something with his loud hand gestures. Will had glanced our way, probably feeling Riley’s eyes on him, and smiled at her. It was a secret smile, it spoke of intimacy. Something just between them. Riley smiled back. 

Now, as we sit at the dining table, I look to Will again. He is sitting next to Rajan who has been ignoring me all night. I cannot blame him. I realise now that I never told him of Wolfgang, and Rajan was sitting right there at the stairs when Wolfgang kissed me. It occurs to me that despite that, Rajan had shaken Wolfgang’s hand. I wonder what is going through his mind.

The food is glorious, we have pastas and breads and curries, and we have chips, and even noodles. We have everything from every culture, and we are all together to eat it. It’s this unification that lightens my heart as we sit there together. Rajan is now smiling at something Capheus yells to Lito, some banter. Sun laughs loudly near me, and I think how I have never seen her so happy.

We have grown one in number, because besides Wolfgang we have a new addition: detective Mun. He showed up near the club last night and helped Sun escape the BPO footmen. That must be to the way to her heart: fighting, bravery, and dedication. Mun seems to have all three. He is also immensely cute, and I watch him reach over and brush a breadcrumb off of Sun’s cheek.

The room is warm from not only the candles, but also from the excitement. We’re loud and boastful and we’re happy. We haven’t given ourselves the luxury to act this way even despite us all being together in Paris. I think it was Wolfgang’s absence. None of us felt whole enough to celebrate that we were together, even if in only a majority, in Paris.  
Now, we celebrate. We allow ourselves that one luxury.

“The thrill was amazing! I cannot explain to you how it is to feel Sun use your body that way, to use its strength to fight off the bad men. It is almost an awakening when she does it. She is truly the spirit of Van Damn!” Capheus is telling Amanita who sits across from me. Sun sits quietly, bashfully, listening in also, and I grin at her.

“Sun why won’t you help me fight this way?” I tease.

“You have me.” Wolfgang says from next to me, shifting so his hand sits around my waist instead.

“Do you know martial arts, then?” I ask him, and he shakes his head. “No, I did not think so. That is why I asked Sun.”

Sun grins at Wolfgang, and I stick my tongue out at him, as he rolls his eyes.

“It is an awakening, Kala.” Capheus asserts once again from the other side of Bug.

“I almost wish I could be a part of the cluster just to experience that. Nomi looked like the shit when you fought for her, Sun. It was epic.” Amanita says wishfully.

“You are a part of the cluster.” I assure her. “An essential part.”

I can feel Rajan’s eyes on me from across the room, but this time I am the one who does not look back. Space, I remind myself. I must give him space.

“It’s so interesting this idea that your knowledge and skills are shared,” Hernando says. “It gives a whole new meaning to personhood and individuality. Can you really be an individual if you are part of the cluster?”

“I think so,” Will replies. “I think it’s just a more intense version of learning a new skill. You learn from someone else, just without realising it. We still have our own personalities, right?”  
“But where is that line drawn, I wonder? I would argue some skills are so essential to yourself that maybe even personality flows over.” Hernando looks to me, “have you not built bombs Kala? Surely that is something only Wolfgang can contribute to you. If you had built them otherwise I would be very surprised.”

I shrug in response, unsure what to tell him. When I was 19 I looked up how to make a bomb, intrigued. It was pretty easy but I was too scared to actually try it. But if this impression Hernando has of me is one of innocence and goodness, who am I to ruin it? So I stay quiet, but I think my eyes glint cheekily because Hernando looks wearily at me in response. I suppress a grin.

“Stop with the philosophical crap, Hernando. What I want to know right now is this,” Daniela points between Sun and Mun, “how did this happen.”

Sun stays quiet, but reddens slightly, and I am frankly astonished.

“Are you blushing, Sun?” I ask bewildered, leaning over Wolfgang to pat Sun’s cheek. She bats my hand away, and Wolfgang pulls my chair in closer to his.

“Don’t tease her, Kala.” Lito chastises, but as he notices Sun’s blush deepening, he leans forward as well and says in a tone that mirrors my own: “wait. Are you actually blushing?”

Mun covers for her, “we fought and then we…” he trails off as if searching for the words.

“You fought and then you fucked!” Lito exclaims, sitting back and clapping his hands in amusement, and Sun shoots daggers at him.

“Fighting and fucking. You sound like me, Sun.” Wolfgang smirks, nudging her shoulder.

“See, this is exactly what I mean.” Hernando interjects, “melding. This melding of personas when you are of a cluster.”

“Fuck melding, do you know what I want right now?” Daniela says over Hernando once again, “alcohol.”

Rajan is already getting up and leaving the room before Daniela finishes her sentence. He disappears to the right, into what I assume is a wine cooler, and returns with two large bottles in his hands.

“Who wants some bubbly?” He exclaims, laughing as Lito jumps up enthusiastically, grabbing a bottle and passing it to Daniela. Together, Rajan and Daniela open the bottles with a pop and out pours the foaming champagne. Capheus cheers and I clap in response. Next to me, Wolfgang is already grabbing his glass. The bottle is passed around and we all take our fill. But before we can drink, Wolfgang stands up, holding his glass out in a toast.

“Wait. I want to say something.”

We quieten, all turning to face him.

He clears his throat, and looks to me hesitantly. I nod encouragingly. I can feel his hesitance and try and give to him some certainty. “I have lived much of my life with one friend, with my one brother. And I never knew what it was like to have… people. People in your life that would fight for someone like me.” 

The words come slowly. Through our bond we can all feel his self-doubt. He is not used to speaking out like this, to us, to our big group. He is not used to speaking out like this to his family. 

“Thank you.” He says simply. A man of few words.

Lito grins, standing up, and pulls Wolfgang into a bear hug, exclaiming “you big German lug! We love you!” 

Everyone cheers, and I can hear Nomi, Amanita, and Capheus saying “aww!”

“Thank you,” Wolfgang says, grinning.

Sun, on the other side of Wolfgang, stands and wipes tears off her cheeks silently, and Mun puts his arms around her.

I stand too and I cannot keep a smile off my face. I reach over to wrap my arm around Wolfgang and lean into him. He kisses my temple, before reaching over to clap Bug next to me as Bug cheers and stands up.

Now, everyone is standing, and we all lean into each other, wrapping arms around shoulders and waists. We’re all connected now, cluster and family alike, and we grin at each other.  
I catch Nomi’s eyes and she winks at me, and next to her Amanita giggles at something Daniela says. Lito is teasing Hernando about something as Hernando continues to assert his interest in the melding of our cluster-minds. Capheus is swaying in joy, pulling and pushing at Rajan and Bug’s arms on either side of him, and Riley is smiling so broadly, so brightly. Thinking back to what she went through just a short while ago when she had been captured by BPO makes my heart ache.

No. No it is not aching, what my heart is doing right now. My heart is overflowing. Overflowing of love and happiness. I kiss Wolfgang’s shoulder and I rub at Sun’s arm as it overlaps with mine on Wolfgang’s back. I put my head on Bug’s shoulder.

“Even after everything we’ve been through, would any of us go back to the world we’re used to?” Will says emphatically.

And I think, no. No we would not.

“Even if that world included Milton Brandt?” says a voice to my right, and I turn suddenly to see Bodhi.

Because, of course, how could we think that even a momentary bliss could last. BPO is still out there and now they have Whispers back. We are still being hunted.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is finally up! It's 9 days after the last chapter, which is longer than I expected it would take, so I've made a promise to myself that as long as I'm not super busy I want to post a chapter every couple of days. I've been really appreciating the comments I'm being left so don't be afraid to leave one with any feedback! Also, let me know if there's anything in particular that you wish was in the finale that we didn't get because I will definitely consider writing it in. Enjoy!

It is weird to be in a bed alone. Without realising it, I became used to Rajan’s presence beside me every night. Now, and for the past few nights since my confession to Rajan, I sleep alone. That is, until the door to my bedroom opens, and Wolfgang strolls in.

My room is on the third floor of the mansion, where lies three other rooms. If I remember correctly, Amanita and Nomi share the one opposite me, while down the hall and on the right sleep Sun and Mun. Bug is on our floor too. Will explained to us that it is important to know of each other’s whereabouts always. We cannot rely too heavily on the bond for fear of complacency, or even blockers. In fact, now that we no longer have Whispers and Lila has taken him, although he might be on blockers, we still cannot take the risk. This is why Will is now taking the blocking pills, and so is Wolfgang.

Hence my surprise. What I did not realise previously is that it’s not only presence that I feel when I am with Wolfgang, but also awareness. Whenever he is near me, I can feel it. As if something just on the outskirts of my mind is vibrating. It’s an energy that can’t be contained, that springs alive when our connection grows stronger as he nears me.

Now, however, I don’t feel that awareness. But, I can still feel him. Even blockers can’t take this feeling from me.

He draws back the blankets and slips into bed next to me. Only a single shaded lamp is on, and it fills the room with a low yellow hue. Behind him are various paintings in a Rembrandt style: fruit, animals, and the like, with dark backgrounds. It’s an odd choice for a room such as this, with its grand four-poster bed and large mattress with fluffy frilly blankets. There’s an upholstered chesterfield chair, and a matching footrest in one corner next to a large window with a window seat. On the other side, closer to the door is a vanity with an identical footstool. Above hangs a chandelier, and the light from the lamp glints off it, sending sprinkles of lights across the walls.

Wolfgang draws closer, placing an arm on my stomach and leaning in so his face is near mine. We have not had a moment alone since we exchanged for him. Realising this, I shift closer, turning my body to face him and lifting my hand to trace his lips.

“Wolfgang,” I whisper.

“Hello,” he replies, eyes twinkling.

“Hi,” I grin, and lean in to give him a soft kiss.

When I pull back, he grins back. “Where is Rajan?”

“You came in to my room without being certain Rajan is not here?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

“Well you weren’t talking to him at dinner so I thought…” he trails off and looks at me expectantly.

In reply, I nod, confirming his suspicions.

“You told him.”

I turn away, looking out towards the window behind me. The heavy upholstered curtains are drawn and I pretend to be fascinated by them, but my heart sinks nonetheless. I know what I was doing to myself to myself and what I continue to do to myself. This in its essence is every bit of self-persecution I was afraid of. Maybe it is true that there is some mismatched chemistry inside me, something wrong with me that really does prevent me from ever being happy.

“You finally told him.” Wolfgang repeats.

I glance at him and find that he is grinning broadly. He leans towards me and cups my face in his hands, our lips only an inch apart when he says, “so this is it. Us.”

I nod slowly, still with the same heavy feeling.

“Kala,” he says seriously, “I love you.” Then his lips capture mine once more.

The kiss is deep and probing. It is hungry and passionate. In it is his desperation and need as he rakes his hand down my body before slipping underneath my thigh, raising it, and twisting it over his leg as he pushes closer.

I return his desperation, if only to forget my sadness, pushing my hands through his hair, fingering through the short strands at the base of his neck, and tilting his head the way I please. He groans into my mouth, and pushes even closer, sliding his hand under my nightgown so that it lies now at the top of my leg.

The heaviness I felt in my heart begins to fade as this kiss takes me over. Wolfgang came in wearing a loose shirt and pyjama bottoms, practically a nun outfit for him. So, on my mission to return him from his nun-like state, I slip my hands under his shirt and pull it up and over his head. He only separates himself from my lips for a few seconds to let the shirt be thrown away before he is pushing himself on top of me, twining my legs around his waist and grinding into me. I gasp as I feel him, his hard body and his toughness as he skims his hands up and down my sides. I almost can’t breathe; he is so heavy on me. Then he lifts himself up and braces himself on his elbows. We separate to take a few breaths. Seeing him panting in his need for me is beyond satisfying.

I brush his hair back, breathing hard too, but keep him away with a hand to his chest when he leans in to kiss me again.

“What?” He says in a daze.

“Just give me a minute.” I look at him properly now. Though the light is dim I can see every detail of his face: his light blonde stubble, his blue grey eyes heavy with lust, his angular jaw and slightly square chin. His smile lines appear when he grins at me as he notices me taking him in.

“Tomorrow,” he says, “you meet Felix.”

“Tomorrow?” I gasp. “So soon?”

He nods and brushes my hair back. “Of course. He is coming to join us on the way to Naples.”

Yes, we are going to Naples. This is a new development in our mission to be free from the terror of BPO. These cities I once dreamt I would vacation in with my family and friends, are now overshadowed by this ever-present danger. BPO has corrupted not only Paris, but now Naples too. Tomorrow we are to go there, and we travel either by car or train as is most convenient. Capheus opted to drive, obviously, and Will informed Wolfgang and I that we could join him. Bug, Nomi and Amanita will drive together in their van, while the others go by train. Though I would have preferred classic train travel through Europe - any attempt to rescue these cities to their more romantic nature as opposed to the troubles we face in them - once Capheus showed me the car, a beautiful convertible, I was sold. So, in the car with Capheus and Wolfgang I would go. Rajan is going by train with Will, Riley, Lito, Daniela, and Hernando. Sun and Mun will also be with them. Hopefully this way he will have company and not feel lonely. At least that much he deserves if not so much more.

Wolfgang rolls over so that he is on his back, his head resting on his forearm. I turn to follow his movements, placing my hand and my chin on top of it on his bare chest. His other arm comes around me to rest on my back.

“I am nervous to meet him,” I admit.

“Don’t be,” Wolfgang tells me. “He will love you.”

I nod in reply, but my anxiety prevails, and this frustrates me to no end. Really, truly, what is wrong with me? Why can I never just enjoy a moment?

I slide a hand down Wolfgang’s side and he shifts suddenly, wincing away from my hand.

“Are you okay?” I ask him, thinking it must be from his wounds. There are some bruises on his chest, and I know he still feels pain from them.

He grunts, “your hand is cold.”

“It is?” How can this be the case if the room is so warm?

I slide my hand up his side this time and he winces away from it once again.

“Wolfgang?” I question, “are you ticklish?”

“No” he grunts again in response, and shifts backwards to sit more upright.

Slowly, I feel a smile spread across my face as the truth of his discomfort dawns on me.

Wolfgang frowns at me, moving further away. All he says is “Kala” firmly and it confirms my suspicions.

“You are ticklish,” I say in awe, before reaching over to pinch at Wolfgang’s side. He yelps in response, and I cannot help but laugh, before pinching at his sides again.

“Kala, stop,” he says seriously, but I don’t listen, and instead launch myself on top of him, straddling his lap. His arms come around me immediately, giving me perfect access to his sides so I can bury my fingers into them.

He yelps again and moves to grab my arms but I evade him. I slide my fingers across his abdomen and over his sides once again and he laughs, shifting away, trying to escape. But of course, my legs are wrapped around him and there is nowhere for him to go. I continue to glide my fingers across his skin, and he laughs breathlessly. It’s exhilarating, this feeling, watching Wolfgang collapse into fits of laughter. Just hours ago he was still trapped in BPO’s facility.

We end up collapsed on the bed, Wolfgang on his back from shifting and moving and pulling away from me breathlessly, trying to grab my arms and fingers and hold them away from him. I am on top of him, catching my breath with him, and he must see something in my eye because in the breadth of a millisecond he grasps both of my arms and twists them behind my back so that I can no longer tickle him.

“You are ruthless,” he tells me, shaking his head, still breathless.

I grin at him cheekily before rolling back beside him, twisting my arms out of his grip. He moves to grab them again, suspicious of me, but I hold them up in surrender. “I won’t tickle, I swear.”

In response, he just raises an eyebrow, and still grabs my hands and holds them in one of his. I giggle at his suspicion, glancing out towards the window trying to hide my smile as he continues to frown at me. But the window is closed, of course, and there are those curtains again, upholstered and frankly quite ugly.

They remind me of Rajan. Just minutes ago I was thinking about him while looking at them. The heaviness I felt then returns, and I sigh.

Wolfgang, still thinking about the tickling, says, “you called me a demon but actually you’re the one that’s a demon.”

But I ignore him and ask instead, “Wolfgang, are you happy?”

He doesn’t respond, so I turn to face him, and repeat, “are you?”

He shrugs, “I guess so.”

His response is underwhelming. How can someone just guess whether they are happy or not?

Then he asks, “are you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever know.”

“Why not?”

“Because whenever I think I am, suddenly I am not. I always manage to remind myself of at least one reason for why I am not happy.”

“What’s your reason right now?” He asks me.

“Rajan,” I say simply.

“But you are happy to be with me aren’t you?” 

I nod in response.

“You can be more than one thing at once. You can be sad about Rajan, but happy to see me and the cluster.”

I wonder if this is true. If it is just that simple to accept that maybe there is something I will always be sad about. It sounds like a miserable life to me, but there is doubt in my mind that how I am right now agonising myself over my husband is any better.

“I’m afraid I’ve lost a friend. I wish I could just make him happy again so that he does not hate me.”

“He will get over it.” Wolfgang replies.

“But what if he does not? What if he never forgives me and I lose a friend because of my own mistakes.”

“There are worse things.”

I grunt in frustration, “yes there are worse things Wolfgang, but those worse things don’t diminish or discredit the way that I am feeling now. I’m allowed to feel sad even if there are people or situations that are worse than mine.”

Wolfgang sighs and concedes, “you’re right. I am sorry. But you will drive yourself crazy.”

“This I already know.” I say.

“How about every time you are sad, Kala, you tell me and I will remind you of something to be happy about.” Wolfgang says quietly. He is a little red in the face and I think it must be because he is not used to this kind of talk. He’s used to – what did he say? – fucking and fighting. The thought makes me smile slightly, and I lean into his shoulder.

“Deal?” He asks.

“Deal.” I say.

Wolfgang settles back into the cushions, and I rest my head on his shoulder.

“It is so strange finally being with you in person.” Wolfgang admits quietly, resting his head on top of mine.

“I know. I still can’t believe that I’m here with you.” I reply. I lift my head and turn to look at him. “It was terrifying, you know, when BPO took you. I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life.”

“Me too. Even when Felix was shot, I didn’t feel that scared. I think I knew that somehow Felix would be okay. But when I was taken,” Wolfgang continues, “I kept thinking about you and the rest of the cluster. How they might be found out too. It was terrifying.”

A rage boils inside of me, simmering underneath the surface. It’s this idea that Wolfgang, _Wolfgang _of all people, was scared.__

__“We will shut them down.” I grit out. “I will do anything it takes. We will shut them down.”_ _

__Wolfgang nods, his own face set, determined. “We will.” He says, “we will.”_ _


	5. Chapter 5

It’s this song.

It’s a highway along the water, and the sun gleaming off it.

We are sitting in the back of Capheus’ new car as he speeds us along the road on our way to Naples. 

Riley is playing a song, and just like that moment so so long ago, we all feel it. Because it’s not just listening we are doing; we are feeling. Wolfgang’s arm is around me, and though his sunglasses mask his eyes, I know those little crows feet when he smiles must be behind the shades because he is grinning broadly and nodding his head along to the beat as it resonates through all of us.

There is luscious greenery on one side of the road, and on the other side there is just blue, blue blue water. In the distance I know there are buildings and people within them, but I don’t care for them, because beside me is Wolfgang, in front of me is my Capheus, and around us is our cluster and there is no one else. Those buildings, other people, mean nothing.

Honestly, it is moments like this that make me wish our lives were easier, because just imagine how good we all would be at karaoke? What a simple thing that would be: just to go to a bar and sing along to word-less music. Instead we are on our way to find Whispers, the man who tried to hunt us.

As we drive to Naples, I am transported from my car, to the train to where most of my cluster is. I am dancing behind Will and Lito is across from me. 

_I feel you. _Lito points to me and I throw my head back in laughter as he gyrates in the air.__

__Riley is being thrown by all of us in the train carriage, up and down, and she’s squealing in delight._ _

__Then, we are in Capheus’ car and I’m in Will’s lap. Nomi is singing the loudest where she sits in the backseat now, while Will and I are on the headrests. I can hear Sun’s voice too, loud and clear, accented. Wolfgang and Lito are swaying and Capheus thrusts his arm out into the air as the chorus runs, still driving._ _

__Then, we are in the van, and Bug is driving us. He’s a very good singer, which I didn’t expect, and he’s nodding his head along to the music. He can’t see us, but Nomi told him we’re here and I can feel his excitement._ _

__Then, we’re back in the Capheus’ car. I lean back into Will and he rests his head on my shoulder. I tell him, “when this is all over, we do karaoke.” He grins._ _

__There’s a cool breeze blowing our hair into our mouths as we sing. The sun is setting next to us._ _

__

__Felix’s car is parked along the side of the highway at a rest stop, and Capehus pulls in next to him. Before I can even turn to talk to Wolfgang, he is out of the car and already running around it to Felix. The last time I saw Felix he was unconscious. He seemed so small and so innocent. Although, I know if he is friends with Wolfgang he is far from innocent. Far, far from it. Now, he is lively. His whole being has an aura of pure animated energy. He bounds to Wolfgang and leaps in Wolfgang’s arms as they hug. Hesitantly, I climb out of the car and I approach the two brothers._ _

__When Wolfgang separates from Felix, I can see him more clearly. His grin is large and contagious, and I find myself smiling back. His blonde hair falls over his forehead messily._ _

__“And you must be India plan.” He says to me and winks._ _

__Wolfgang is grinning broadly next to me, and takes a step towards me placing a hand on my back, but I keep my attention on Felix._ _

__“I’m Kala, it’s nice to finally meet.” I reply._ _

__“Yeah. Good to meet you.” He looks at Wolfgang’s hand on me and lets out a low whistle._ _

__“Wolfgang, you’re gone man.” He says, shaking his head as if disappointed. Indignant, I’m about to reply angrily when suddenly Felix sighs loudly, “I was supposed to be the one who settled down first! You’re the crazy motherfucker and I’m the innocent one! I was meant to get the hot wife and the cute kids, and you would come around and over pot roast you would tell the kids about blowing shit up… and then my wife would divorce me.” He adds as an afterthought._ _

__“Sounds like a good life.” Wolfgang grins._ _

__Felix points at him, accusatory, “don’t steal my idea.”_ _

__Wolfgang chuckles, “wouldn’t dream of it brother.”_ _

__Felix glances back at me and grins, taking me in. I wonder how much he knows. How much Wolfgang has told him. I don’t imagine it is all that much, but if he knows about me there must be some parts of our story that he is aware of._ _

__I know Capheus is bursting to run over to us and effectively jump on Felix, but he is restraining himself for this very reason, not to overwhelm Felix with too much information right away. But I also know he is giving us, me particularly, a moment alone._ _

__I check my watch, and look over to Capheus who is also glancing at the time. I nod my head towards the cars, “we should go.”_ _

__“Yeah, but Kala you’re coming with me,” Felix says, winding his arm around my shoulders and guiding me to his car. “I’ve got a shit load of stories about Wolfgang. No-“ he stops Wolfgang as he begins to follow us. “We are going alone.”_ _

__Wolfgang hesitates before shaking his head and conceding, making his way to where Capheus sits in the convertible. “Whatever, she knows the worst of it.”_ _

__“She might, but she doesn’t know the most embarrassing of it.”_ _

__I laugh, and Felix smirks at me, before he says in farewell: “see you on the other side!” And we get in his car._ _

__

__I learn that Wolfgang lost his trunks while coming off of a slide in a public pool when he was a teenager and refused to get out of the water for an hour before finally admitting to Felix he was naked. I guess this must’ve been before his more relaxed attitude about _ahem _privacy.___ _

____I learn that when Felix had his heartbroken by a _“ruthless 22 year old vixen. I was 17 and I never stood a chance” _, Wolfgang stayed up with Felix and endured such romantic comedies as Harry Met Sally and You’ve Got Mail and Sleepless in Seattle while eating ice cream. Wolfgang got _allergies _towards the end of Sleepless in Seattle apparently._____ _ _ _

________I also learn that Wolfgang is actually a good cook, but once gave himself food poisoning after eating too-raw meat and then shit himself while driving home from the shop the next day, unable to make it home on time. _“The car stank for days.” _____ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The last memory relayed by Felix is fresh in my mind while we sit at an outdoor café eating pizza, and because of it I can’t look Wolfgang in the eye without wanting to break into a fit of giggles._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Capheus and Felix are loudly gasbagging about Van Damme. Wolfgang nudges my shin under the table, trying to draw my attention to him, and instead I burst out into a fit of giggles._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Felix hears me because he laughs too, “don’t Kala. Don’t start again.” Needless to say, Felix is a storyteller, and the animation in his voice as he recounted his memories left us laughing the whole way here._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What’s so funny?” Capheus asks._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________I shake my head and give in to more laughter, “nothing nothing. I’ll tell you later.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Of course I am going to tell him. The whole cluster needs to know. Our stoic Wolfgang, not able to make the toilet? Going in his car? That's an image we all have to experience._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Tell him what?” Wolfgang asks._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Nothing, nothing,” I shake my head, giggling again. Wolfgang just narrows his eyes at me suspiciously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Felix rapidly changes the conversation. He takes the last bite of his pizza and leans back, sighing in satisfaction, “If I had to choose a last meal, it would be pizza.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________I catch on, “mine would be pav bhaji.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What’s that?” Capheus also leans back having finished his pizza._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“It’s a toasted bread roll and curry, it’s amazing. I will make you some.” I promise._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Make me some too. I love Indian food.” Felix adds._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“There is Indian food in Germany?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________This time it’s Wolfgang who replies to me, “yeah but I don’t know how authentic it is.” He shrugs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Don’t worry. I will make you real Indian food.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________We smile at each other._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Felix looks from me to Wolfgang, and then back again, before blurting out, “will you tell me how you met? I’m fucking dying here. I mean, a German falling in love with an Indian... who _I _have never met before. How is that even possible?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Wolfgang sighs and looks to me, but I stay silent because I think that this moment he should have with his brother._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“We are… connected.” Wolfgang begins._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Connected?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Yes. We are connected by our minds. So is Capheus, and the people we’ll meet later. We’re a cluster and we can all see through each others eyes, and feel each others feelings. We’re psychically connected.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Felix pauses, “you’re shitting me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“No, I’m not.” Wolfgang replies._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“We’re called Homo Sensorium.” I add, hopefully helpfully. “We are another kind of species and when we were birthed we became psychically linked to our pre-destined cluster.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Wait. Birthed?” Felix exclaims incredulously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“She means when we first became linked together.” Capheus clarifies._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“So you began to see each other and you just accepted it? Instead of thinking you were losing your fucking minds.” Felix raises his eyebrows. “Wolfgang, wow.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Well we were obviously really confused at first, but it just… made sense.” Wolfgang shrugs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“So then how did you two meet?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________I guess, in a way, this will be embarrassing story number four. I realise Felix doesn’t exactly know that I’m married._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Well, I was getting married-“_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“What?” Felix sits upright. But I ignore him and continue on._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“And in India we have this ritual – the saath phere – basically, the seven circles around the consecrated fire, each circle representing one of the marriage vows. And while we were completing the rounds, um. Well. Wolfgang, appeared to me. And he was naked. And he said-“_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“What the fuck are you doing? You’re not in love with him.” Wolfgang interjects._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“And then I fainted.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________We sit in silence, while Felix and Capheus take this in._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Finally, Felix says, “so Wolfgang was naked? And he showed up to your wedding?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________I nod._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Felix shakes his head in awe, “Wolfgang you crazy motherfucker.” Is all he says, and Wolfgang grins at him. I can’t help but laugh, and Capheus joins me._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Now I just wait for the other shoe to fall – that I am still married. I imagine that conversation will be a lot less fun._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	6. Chapter 6

What movies don’t show you is how much waiting there is in-between action. We crowd into an air bnb in the hope of being covert. After meeting Puck – who apparently this time decided to adopt Sun’s hairstyle – we found out Whisper’s location. Now, Will and Hernando are working together to organise a tourist bus-cum-Trojan horse for us to get into The Forcella.

In the meantime, Felix, Wolfgang, Sun and I play poker. Mun joined us halfway and has been whispering in Sun’s ear ever since. I, on the other hand, have been using Nomi to help me cheat.

I know. Cheating is bad, wrong, unjust, unfair, whatever. But Wolfgang is the most stoic man I’ve ever met in my life, and living around him Felix must have gained some of this stoic-ness also because I cannot see any emotion on his face. Sun does not even need any explanation. On top of all of that, Wolfgang is on blockers so I can’t use our connection to my advantage either, and I am too scared to try it on Sun. So Nomi it is.

“Fold” she whispers to me. So I do. Once Felix reveals his cards, Sun groans loudly and concedes her chips over to Felix who whoops in triumph. Needless to say, this game is going great for him. In a real movie, Felix would be the faithful sidekick performing mediocre, while Wolfgang would be ahead of all of us who had foolishly decided to play against him. Instead, the opposite is true. Wolfgang doesn’t seem very invested at all, and instead has one eye on a singing talent show airing on the TV opposite our gaming table that Riley put on. Felix, on the other hand, is winning round after round after round. Sun and I lose hopelessly.

At first I was afraid I was petrified… starts on the TV as a woman in her mid-40s takes centre stage in a grand white dress and a black and white feather boa.

“Ohhh!!!” Lito calls from where he sits on the reclining chair beside the TV. “This is the BEST song!”

He sings along, “kept thinking I could never live without you by my side!”

Wolfgang lets out a bark of laughter and abandons his cards. He stands up as Lito too gets up and makes his way in front of the TV, blocking it. Riley from her chair twists and turns her neck in an effort to see around him. “Lito! Move out of the way!”

But Lito ignores her in favour of singing with Wolfgang, their arms around each other, belting, “but I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong.”

Now, Nomi jumps up from where she had been sitting with Amanita and Daniela. She shimmies her way over to Lito and Wolfgang, both of whom are watching her with grins on their faces.

“And I grew strong.” She says dramatically, “and I learned how to get along!”

Felix deals, but no one is paying attention. Sun is avidly watching Wolfgang, Lito and Nomi, and now Amanita who has joined them also. Since Nomi has abandoned me, I know I will not win. So instead of losing, I twist my chair in the direction of TV and feign interest in their theatrics.

Behind me sit Capheus, Hernando, and Will with Rajan. I can hear Capheus singing along from where he is seated, so I turn around to take a look. Hernando and Capheus are in identical positions, both leaning back with their arms folded across their chests. Rajan catches my eye from next to them and smiles slightly, before realising himself and looking away

 

It takes me back.

It was, probably, two years ago? Or three? We had stayed back at work to meet a deadline and it was approaching nine in the evening. The radio was on, with a DJ announcing _yeh hai 99.5FM aur apka host hai Sameera. Hamara agla gana voh 80s fans ke lie hai: I Will Survive! _By that point we were all completely exhausted. I had been staring at lists and lists of ingredients and formulas for hours. My eyes had begun to cross and I could feel my head begin to spin. Abruptly, I stood up, and decided to walk around the board room a couple of times to loosen my stiff muscles and give my eyes a break.__

__Dev, a colleague of mine, noticed the timing of my break along with the radio. “Arey va, Kala,” he continued in Hindi, “are you going to sing for us?”_ _

__“What?” I replied, dazed._ _

__He pointed to the radio where Gaynor was crooning about her past love and broken heart._ _

__I shook my head, “I just need some air.”_ _

__“Why not?” He asked. “Come on, sing for us.” He waggled his eyebrows. In front of him sat his own thirty-page document of the recent grants we had been given for upcoming research._ _

__“Why don’t _you _sing?” I raised my eyebrows at him.___ _

____“Because…” he rose slowly from his seat, and in time with the music sang, “I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face.” He shook his shoulders in time with the music and rounded his table, approaching me._ _ _ _

____I laughed at his antics, and shook my head._ _ _ _

____“I should have changed that stupid look, I should have made you leave your key.” He continued._ _ _ _

____“If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me.” Came from the other side of the room, and I turned to see Rajan had stood up also and had begun to approach me._ _ _ _

____Dev pointed to him theatrically and sang, “go on now go, walk out the door.” He pulled on my arms and turned me around with him to face Rajan._ _ _ _

____“Just turn around now.” I joined in, surrendering to his forceful dancing. “Cause you’re not welcome anymore.”_ _ _ _

____Rajan grabbed my arm from Dev’s grip and whipped me around in a circle, singing, “weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?”_ _ _ _

____I shouted back into his face with a broad smile on my face, “do you think I’d crumble?” Rajan threw his head back and laughed, “did you think I’d lay down and die?”_ _ _ _

____“OH NO, NOT I!” We all shouted together. There had been only six of us across two different departments plus Rajan who was overseeing the project we were working on. Together we were standing and we were all pointing to each other, strutting across the room, and dancing in rhythm. “I WILL SURVIVE!”_ _ _ _

____That night I did not reach home until eleven. I had spent the majority of the time dancing with Rajan, false waltzing, and generally jumping up and down to the music as Sameera of 99.5FM decided to play a string of 80s hits._ _ _ _

____Now, I grin at Daniela who is acting out the heart break of Gaynor on her knees on the floor while Lito acts next to her the part of Gaynor’s lover. I feel arms wrap around me and at first I think its Rajan, still caught up in the memories of that night two years ago. Then, I hear Wolfgang’s voice and his German accent chant, “I will survive! Hey, hey!”_ _ _ _

____I lean my head back on Wolfgang’s shoulder, and kiss the underside of the jaw, before another set of arms grabs me and pulls me away. In front of me is Capheus now, and he twists my arms as if I’m a small child, jumping up and down forcing me to mimic his movements, dancing with him._ _ _ _

____Then, I hear Rajan’s shout again, “I'm not that chained-up little person and still in love with you.” Will joins him and since, apparently, Will does not know how to sing, he just shouts along with Rajan, “And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free.” He fist pumps with a beer in his hand, and it is just so Will-like I almost can’t imagine any other kind of dancing from him._ _ _ _

____I catch Rajan’s eye and decide to take a risk._ _ _ _

____I part from Capheus and approach Will and Rajan. I point to Rajan, mimicking Dev that night, “go on now, go!”_ _ _ _

____And then an amazing thing happens. Rajan, grabs my wrist and swings me around just like before, “walk out the door!”_ _ _ _

____Once I’m back facing him, we grin at each other, and we continue to sing. “Just turn around now, cause you’re not welcome anymore.”_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____That night, I’m in bed but now with Sun next to me. Instead of living in an extravagant mansion as we did in Paris, we’re now in a slightly more cramped apartment. There were three rooms, and with sixteen of us, we decided to split it so that we would have five people in two rooms, and six in the third. Of course, I was in charge of that._ _ _ _

____In my room there are all the girls. Sun and I share a cramped double bed, and on an air mattress next to us on the floor is Riley. Next to Riley is a single bed that Daniela is using. Past our beds towards the back of the room is a queen bed that Nomi and Amanita share. I am a little jealous of their space. The walls are bare, and the beds contain ocean-themed colours typical of hotels and air bnbs._ _ _ _

____Daniela rises up onto her elbow to look past Riley over to us. “So, you and Rajan got along tonight.”_ _ _ _

____I rise up too, and I think I must be blocking her view because Sun gets up to sit leaning against the wall next to our bed. “Do you think so? He did dance with me.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, that’s a big step Kala.” Daniela nods her head._ _ _ _

____Riley from where she lies offers, “Maybe he is moving on.”_ _ _ _

____“Yes.” Sun agrees. I can’t see her face so I sit up too and shift next to her. Not that this really helps. I failed to conquer Sun during poker, I don’t see how her expressions would be any easier to decipher now._ _ _ _

____Amanita asks from the other side of the room, “I don’t want to offend you or anything, but why did you marry him in the first place?”_ _ _ _

____It’s a valid question, and it is one that I often ask myself. I do not think I can even answer it._ _ _ _

____In wake of my silence, Nomi nudges Amanita and whispers something to her which I think might be a scolding of some sort._ _ _ _

____I interject, “no, it’s okay. Amanita can ask me this question, but… I just. Well, I don’t really know the answer myself.” I shrug._ _ _ _

____“Really?” She asks, raising her eyebrows. “That’s fascinating. What do you think might be the reason?”_ _ _ _

____It almost comes to me immediately, “duty.” But, I think, this isn’t right. I’ve wrestled with this a while and I cannot just blame some 15th century sense of duty to marry a man my parents approved of. So I continue, “and I think… I didn’t want to hurt Rajan? My feelings were so new for Wolfgang. I barely knew him back then when I was to get married to Rajan. It was just all so confusing, I thought that… Well I guess I thought that Rajan was the man I was meant to marry. I said yes, so I had that responsibility to fulfil. And my parents were so happy, as were his parents, and as he was too._ _ _ _

____“But it wasn’t enough.” I think of my current predicament. “Clearly.”_ _ _ _

____“Did you tell him about Wolfgang?” Riley asks me._ _ _ _

____“No!” I say emphatically. It is weird to suddenly be talking about all of this out loud, to this family of mine, no less. I never really got the opportunity to speak of the confusion I felt with Wolfgang so openly. But now, some of the floodgates open. “That is what is so weird. He didn’t know at all about Wolfgang, and yet he still danced with me today? Hernando says he’s not the kind of man to hold grudges and be angry forever, but I must have hurt him, right?”_ _ _ _

____“Hernando would say that. He’s so perceptive, it’s kind of weird.” Daniela says, and I nod in agreement._ _ _ _

____“Have you spoken to Rajan since you broke up with him?” Amanita asks me, and I think to myself that she would be a good psychologist._ _ _ _

____“No, not yet.” I reply._ _ _ _

____“Hernando’s probably right. There are bigger things to worry about now, and Rajan knows that, so he’s just letting go of whatever grudge he’d have normally.” Nomi adds._ _ _ _

____“Maybe.” Again, I shrug. “Maybe I will ask him.”_ _ _ _

____“I think that’s a good idea.” Amanita says. “The two of you need more closure, I think. You need to do the post-breakup talk.”_ _ _ _

____Daniela groans, “I freaking hate the post-breakup talk!”_ _ _ _

____I look around in confusion. The post-breakup talk? I’ve never heard of this. Sun looks just as oblivious as me when I meet her eye, and Riley too doesn’t seem to understand what that means._ _ _ _

____“What is that?” Riley asks._ _ _ _

____“It’s just the god-fucking-awful chat you have with your ex after you’re all done and dusted to talk about like, moving on, why you didn’t work, what went wrong, who cheated on who, etc.” Daniela clarifies._ _ _ _

____“It’s not always that bad, surely.” Nomi says._ _ _ _

____Amanita disagrees, “nope, honey, it is. Believe me.”_ _ _ _

____“Why, what happened?”_ _ _ _

____“Let’s just say an ex of mine cheated on me and then called me up to tell me exactly why after we’d broken up.” Amanita widens her eyes as if to convey just how ridiculous the situation was, as if explaining the story wasn’t enough._ _ _ _

____I tell her, “that sounds terrible.”_ _ _ _

____“Yep. It really was.”_ _ _ _

____“Not as bad as what happened to me though,” Daniela says. “Before I dated Joaquin, I dated this wimp of a guy. Like, a seriously soft-spoken, teary-eyed wimp. And at first I thought it was really cute and endearing and I’d finally date a nice guy. After we broke up though, he kept calling and calling. He said he didn’t have closure. So he made me have lunch with him and explain to him exactly why I broke up with him. I told him it was cause I was moving – which I was – and I wanted to be single – which I did. And then he started crying.”_ _ _ _

____Amanita snorts. “That doesn’t sound that bad.”_ _ _ _

____“When I say crying, I mean sobbing. He didn’t have any tissues either so the tears just streamed down his face and dripped on to the table, and he got all snotty too. There were these bubbles coming out of his nose, like he was a child. It was disgusting. And, when I offered him a napkin he took it but just kept sobbing and sobbing, and it got to the point where waiters came up to our table to ask us exactly what was going on. And they were all sweet like ‘honey can we do anything for you?’ Which just made him cry harder.”_ _ _ _

____“Jesus Christ,” Amanita swears._ _ _ _

____These stories do nothing to temper the nausea building up in my stomach at the thought of properly talking to Rajan. Sure, dancing with him was okay, but it was also easy. We danced, the song ended, we parted ways, and I went back to being robbed blind by Felix in our failed poker game._ _ _ _

____Thinking of Felix reminds me: he still doesn’t know I’m married to Rajan. It’s this anxiety that cripples me. It’s just too much, all building up on each other. First there is getting Whispers, and then there is penetrating the Forcella, and then there’s not dying in the process, and then there’s seeking closure with Rajan, and talking to Felix. My anxieties have their own anxieties, and whenever one is extinguished, another takes its place._ _ _ _

____In fact, my worry is a hydra._ _ _ _

____I fall back onto the bed with a groan. “This is too hard.”_ _ _ _

____No one even tries to console me. Most likely because, despite our dancing to I Will Survive, and our chat just now, we all are troubled by tomorrow’s mission._ _ _ _

____“When this is all over. We get drunk. Like, really, really, drunk.” Daniela declares._ _ _ _

____“Hear, hear.” Amanita and Nomi say together._ _ _ _

____“Hear, hear.” I repeat._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Hindi translation! I'm pretty bad at Hindi, so if the grammar is incorrect I apologise. I tried my best.
> 
> "yeh hai 99.5FM aur apka host hai Sameera. Hamara agla gana voh 80s fans ke lie hai: I Will Survive!" = This is 99.5FM and your host is Sameera. Our next song is for those 80s fans: I Will Survive!
> 
> "Arey va, Kala" = Wow, Kala

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm new to AO3 and trying my best. If you've got any feedback or anything, comments are appreciated! Credit to the centre story line obviously go to Lana Wachowski who is Brilliant In All Things (seriously, she's amazing). Find me on twitter @ever_s44, or on tumblr evarafter.tumblr.com


End file.
